It’s more difficult to play hooky today than ever before. With social media and notification apps on our smartphones, it’s almost impossible to hide. This can be especially hurtful for the hardcore deer hunter who has used up all of his vacation time. So, to counter your depleted off days, here are a few excuses to keep handy just in case it’s the brink of the rut and a cold front is on the horizon. Word to the wise: just don’t take photos and post them on Facebook or Instagram.
Pink Eye
No sane person wants to be near someone with this super-contagious ailment. Plus, pink eye looks nasty. You’d be doing everybody a hypothetical favor by staying out and going hunting.
Waiting on the Cable Guy
It can be to your benefit that cable and internet companies give a two- to four-hour window for technician appointments. If you’re single, there’s no question why you have to stay home and wait. For the married hunter, the spouse had something important at work or it was your turn to deal with it.
Great Uncle _____’s Funeral
Fill in the blank. But we’d advise picking an uncle that’s since kicked the bucket if not completely making up a name. If you believe in karma, it could be leaning toward the darkside to name a living relative. Better yet, don’t give a name so the boss can’t look up an online obituary.
Mental Health Day
You’ve been working your tail off and it’s time for a mental health day. Sometimes you really do have to recharge the batteries and let your brain rest. What better way to do this than from a tree stand? That’s therapy at its finest.
Lost My Car Keys
“Well, it turned out that my kid picked them up and took them to school for showing tell,” you might say. Or, “The dog has a tendency to take and hide shiney things in his house. And that’s right where I found them just after sunset.”
Food Poisoning
Food poisoning leaves a body incapacitated. You really can’t move, much less drive to work. That’s what your boss needs to think anyways. And since you have “food poisoning,” you’re not going to be available at all. This gives you plenty of leeway to hunt a bottom where cellphones don’t get service. Mention explosive diarrhea as the added cherry and no further questions will be asked.
I’m Going Hunting
Often, it’s best to just tell the truth depending on who your boss is and what he or she likes to do outside of work, like hunt. If your superior is a like-minded outdoorsman, then more power to you. When the wind clocks around from the north and the moon is just right, tell him just that. In case of a work emergency, you’re never more than an email or text away.
